he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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