My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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