I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
