Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
