He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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