I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
