i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
is it fun? or sober?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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