HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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