just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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