I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
