I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
