____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
