Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
