Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
