Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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