everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
