This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
