im drinking this country out of the recession.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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