So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize