one word: firstdatebathroomanal
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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