WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
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Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
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I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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