I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
