If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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