I wish i was in the wii world.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
