Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
