Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
