somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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