i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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