So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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