boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
