What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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