he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
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Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
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Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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