i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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