the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
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you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
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I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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