Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
