You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
