at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
