All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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