My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize