i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
