My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize