Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
