I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
