There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
