Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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