My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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