I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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