come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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