Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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