I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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