Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
