So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
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Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
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lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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