I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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