Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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