i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize