I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
