Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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