i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
