First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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