Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
