Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He? As in you personified your dick?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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