some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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