I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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