For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
