my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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